5 Ways to Stop Wasting Your Time Hating Someone

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Fortune Cooking Life Lessons #35
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

Is there someone in your life that has wholly wronged you? Whether it be a family member, friend, or significant other something has happened that had created a fire inside you that you just can’t put out. I feel this is true for most people that one time or another we have come across the feelings of hate and discontent towards someone in our life. As time moves on we do move forward and these feelings will hide away for a time and every once in a while these feelings of anger that we had come creeping back to remind us of the knife we received in our back. But does hating this person help us in the end. If we stop to think about it hating takes a lot of time and effort on the part of the person that is angry. What if we could take that energy we have inside and put it to good use. Image all the awesome things we would be able to accomplish in our lives. Here are five ways to stop hating and use that energy for some good.

1. Don’t forgive for the person who hurt you forgive for yourself.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you is seriously a hard one to understand. When we learn about forgiveness, it is always about the other person but what we forget is that when we forgive those that have hurt us we are allowing ourselves to move on. The situation no longer controls how we feel or deal with that person and the control is lost. If we react to this person or situation negatively, it still has a hold of us if we move past it and forgive we are letting go.

2. We are all humans.
Humans are imperfect, and we will all make mistakes. Keep that in mind the next time someone does something that may hurt you. It is hard but what if the shoe was on the other foot. What if it was us that did the hurting. There will be individuals that don’t care about how people feel and know that you as a person can always do better regardless of how others may want to treat you.

3. Don’t bring up the past.
If you have completely moved on, you won’t be bringing it up anymore. Letting the situation go may take some time as time heals most wounds and when you are ready to move forward, you will be done reminiscing what happened. Moving forward also helps the person that has hurt you especially if they are seeking forgiveness because this shows you have completely forgiven them and moved on but if you keep rehashing what has been done there is unfinished business that needs to be addressed, and the problem never disappears.

4. Hating takes too much time and energy.
Hating someone takes up a lot of time and energy, and all it will do is exhaust you. A person can spend all day thinking about how much they hate someone but unfortunately, this waste of time and nothing will ever get accomplished. Instead of being angry and hateful take that energy and put it towards something that will make your life better.

5. Time will heal the wounds.
Time does heal wounds. Give yourself space from the person that has hurt you. Right now you need to process the hurt and taking a break can help you recover. Even if the relationship is unrepairable taking time off will help you to heal and find your peace in the situation rather than having to fight it all the time.

Being angry isn’t right for you or the people around you. Choose to do better and take that anger to a positive level. Forgive this person for yourself so that you can find your happiness again. Remember that human beings make mistakes and learn to let go of what happened. Don’t hate to long because it takes too much out of your life to do so and make sure to give yourself enough time to process what has happened.

If you are looking for a way to channel your negative energy, try meditation. It is a perfect way to relax your mind and spirit. A good forgiveness meditation is repeating the phrase ” The person I need to forgive is _______, and I forgive you for ________. Saying this phrase will help you put the situation in perspective and find happiness along your way.

Here is How to Stop Playing the Blame Game so You Can be Happy.

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #28
Think about your own mistakes rather than blame on other’s faults.

Why do people like to play the blame game? When I received this paper a couple of weeks ago, I sat back and took a long hard look at the times that I have played the blame game and what if anything it has done for me and the situations that I was involved. The answer to this question is that playing the blame game has done nothing constructive to any of the circumstances or relationships that were required. Nothing good has ever come out of me just blaming someone or something for any negativity in my life, and so I have decided that I am going to work hard at controlling how much of the blame game I will be playing and make sure that this game doesn’t negatively affect the things in my life.
Why does the blame game become so toxic? To blame someone or something is destructive rather than constructive. Blaming others rather than taking responsibility for your portion of the issue won’t help you or the situation better your circumstances. If you blame others for the problem than you don’t have to take responsibility for your part of the issue at hand and that will always be a recipe for disaster.
I grew up in an unstable home and for many years that haunted me with feelings of blame. I felt like I was a victim and was continually blaming the adults that allowed me to grow up in the situation I did. Last year I finally realized that it was time for me to stop blaming and take control of my life. One thing I noticed was when I was angry and condemning those that did not do their job I wasn’t happy. I could not find my joy, and all the blaming distracted me from moving forward in my life. I had to stop blaming even though some of these things were out of my control I had to let go and realize that we are here to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

There are four wrong ways of thinking when we are playing the blame game and all of these thoughts I had throughout my life.

1. Something is wrong, and I need to find blame in something or someone else for this situation. I feel this is a hard one to recognize because sometimes I feel like the responsibility can be justified. Even though the fault is warranted does not mean it is right to decide to place blame.

2. This person doesn’t deserve respect as a human being. I realize that we are all human and therefore we will all make mistakes and had to sink this one in when getting rid of my blame. The focus should not be about the person who has done me wrong so much as the person is controlling the way I think and act.

3. It is ok for me to treat those that hurt me poorly. I can do so anyway I want. There is no peace when you find yourself hating someone or something all the time. Letting go is the best medicine for this, and you will find happiness by knowing you have done your part.

4. I don’t have any responsibility for the problem, and if I admit this than I have to accept my responsibility and I would deserve the same treatment, I am giving. There are always two sides, and each side will have there own thoughts and actions. Even if you didn’t start the problem but the way you handled it was not the best. Life and people can be very frustrating and remember to take the higher road you will feel better in the end.

If you are experiencing conflict and blame here are ways to settle the blame game once and for all constructively.

1. Be willing to accept your part of the problem.
When there are disputes and problems, there is usually more than one creating the conflict. It is better to take the responsibility and try to make amends on your end. If the other side wants to accept their portion and help make things right tremendous and if not then you did your best.

2. Don’t lose respect for people.
There are some pretty cruddy people in this world, and they have made some horrible decisions in life. Being able to understand that you are not there judge and jury makes it easier to move forward. Always know that there is room for improvement.

3. Be more forgiving
I will be the first one to admit it is tough for me to forgive. I have grown up to be a person that has a shell of protection, and if I overlook, it weakens that shell. I started trying to excuse years ago, and I will say that it creates peace I never had growing up. All the anger and resentment I kept inside was a big green monster, and it kept me prisoner for quite some time. Only in the last few years have a finally been able to forgive and move forward. Forgiveness is hard, but it is well worth the work that goes into making it happen.