Here is How to Stop Playing the Blame Game so You Can be Happy.

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #28
Think about your own mistakes rather than blame on other’s faults.

Why do people like to play the blame game? When I received this paper a couple of weeks ago, I sat back and took a long hard look at the times that I have played the blame game and what if anything it has done for me and the situations that I was involved. The answer to this question is that playing the blame game has done nothing constructive to any of the circumstances or relationships that were required. Nothing good has ever come out of me just blaming someone or something for any negativity in my life, and so I have decided that I am going to work hard at controlling how much of the blame game I will be playing and make sure that this game doesn’t negatively affect the things in my life.
Why does the blame game become so toxic? To blame someone or something is destructive rather than constructive. Blaming others rather than taking responsibility for your portion of the issue won’t help you or the situation better your circumstances. If you blame others for the problem than you don’t have to take responsibility for your part of the issue at hand and that will always be a recipe for disaster.
I grew up in an unstable home and for many years that haunted me with feelings of blame. I felt like I was a victim and was continually blaming the adults that allowed me to grow up in the situation I did. Last year I finally realized that it was time for me to stop blaming and take control of my life. One thing I noticed was when I was angry and condemning those that did not do their job I wasn’t happy. I could not find my joy, and all the blaming distracted me from moving forward in my life. I had to stop blaming even though some of these things were out of my control I had to let go and realize that we are here to make mistakes and hopefully learn from them.

There are four wrong ways of thinking when we are playing the blame game and all of these thoughts I had throughout my life.

1. Something is wrong, and I need to find blame in something or someone else for this situation. I feel this is a hard one to recognize because sometimes I feel like the responsibility can be justified. Even though the fault is warranted does not mean it is right to decide to place blame.

2. This person doesn’t deserve respect as a human being. I realize that we are all human and therefore we will all make mistakes and had to sink this one in when getting rid of my blame. The focus should not be about the person who has done me wrong so much as the person is controlling the way I think and act.

3. It is ok for me to treat those that hurt me poorly. I can do so anyway I want. There is no peace when you find yourself hating someone or something all the time. Letting go is the best medicine for this, and you will find happiness by knowing you have done your part.

4. I don’t have any responsibility for the problem, and if I admit this than I have to accept my responsibility and I would deserve the same treatment, I am giving. There are always two sides, and each side will have there own thoughts and actions. Even if you didn’t start the problem but the way you handled it was not the best. Life and people can be very frustrating and remember to take the higher road you will feel better in the end.

If you are experiencing conflict and blame here are ways to settle the blame game once and for all constructively.

1. Be willing to accept your part of the problem.
When there are disputes and problems, there is usually more than one creating the conflict. It is better to take the responsibility and try to make amends on your end. If the other side wants to accept their portion and help make things right tremendous and if not then you did your best.

2. Don’t lose respect for people.
There are some pretty cruddy people in this world, and they have made some horrible decisions in life. Being able to understand that you are not there judge and jury makes it easier to move forward. Always know that there is room for improvement.

3. Be more forgiving
I will be the first one to admit it is tough for me to forgive. I have grown up to be a person that has a shell of protection, and if I overlook, it weakens that shell. I started trying to excuse years ago, and I will say that it creates peace I never had growing up. All the anger and resentment I kept inside was a big green monster, and it kept me prisoner for quite some time. Only in the last few years have a finally been able to forgive and move forward. Forgiveness is hard, but it is well worth the work that goes into making it happen.

 

How to Release Your Inner Buddha and Enlighten You Life

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #27

To attain enlightenment is to be aware of your own Buddha.

Wouldn’t be nice to have an enlightened life? To be able to have the knowledge to choose what road you want to take in life. Many of us have had to travel our paths of life with little bumps along the way, and I for one consider life’s small cracks to be valuable lessons but wouldn’t it be nice if we could look at our lives and feel like we have taken the right road. Practice these 4 Buddha enlightening techniques and make your life a little more at peace.

1. Compassion
Compassion makes the world a better place. Giving those around you empathy and understanding will provide you with peace. Imagine a time when you were the most compassionate and how did that make you feel? There are some in our lives that we may struggle to show compassion. I think these are the most important individuals to be compassionate too. When you have compassion rather than anger you will indeed feel good in your actions and decisions.
It is also essential to have self-compassion for our actions. Just like those we have had troubles with we too must remember that we are human and if we make a mistake acknowledge it and move forward with a softer heart. Do not torture your self because others choose to act a certain way. Work toward making yourself better even though your compassion may not be received. Practicing kindness will create some of the most profound relationships you will ever experience in life.

2. Be Awake
Make sure to be awake in every moment of your life. Be aware of what is around you and pay close attention. Being attentive will cause a person to slow down and recognize certain gratitude. One thing I truly enjoy is hiking, and I am lucky to be in an area where I can go anytime I want. I love to hike the backcountry and take everything in around me. Slowing down to look at the terrain and listen to the mountains has given me certain gratitude for the things around me that I might not have noticed if I continued the fast-paced lifestyle. When you are awake in your life, you will be able to experience joy in the little things that you once did not notice. If you are experiencing struggles being awake at the moment can even help you overcome these obstacles. Knowing the things around you will also help you welcome those teaching moments that will come along the way.

3. Food is Special
I bet you’re wondering why on earth would food have anything to do with enlightenment. Food gives us comfort and happiness. It can strengthen our bodies and can hurt our bodies. Creating a positive relationship with food can benefit your life, by providing you strength and overall well being. Cooking your food can give you respect for the food you eat. My kids were very picky eaters when they were younger, and when my husband and I started making our kids participate in cooking dinner, they became less picky and more grateful for what was in front of them for dinner. Another way to become more in tune with what you are eating is to grow a garden. Gardening takes work, and it is well worth the patience. The fresher, the better and you will feel great accomplishment knowing that this is something you brought to the table.

4. Remove 3 Poisons From Your Life
There are three poisons out there that can keep you from enlightening your life. Greed, hatred, and delusions can create a catastrophe for the person looking for something better. These three things cause nothing but pain and suffering. If you experience these things in your life make sure to recognize what happened and remove it from your life as fast as possible doing so you will be able to be more at peace. The longer these things stick around, the worse you will feel. Eliminating these types of feelings will also give you freedom, and you won’t feel confined to the negativity.

Being able to make little changes in your life can make the most significant difference. No one is perfect, and it is hard to attain perfection but one thing is, and that is we can work toward being better people.

How to Experience Virtue and Not Let it Get to Your Head

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #26

Virtue is its own reward

 

How important is it to have virtue in our lives?  The definition of virtue states ” Behavior showing high moral standards” and when we think of the word virtue words such as ethics, excellence, and kindness might come to mind.  These things are all important when dealing with each other and if we didn’t do these types of behaviors, our world would suffer.

Virtue can lead to happiness but can we experience too much virtue and let it get to our heads.  Can too much virtue in our lives leave us with a sense of pride?  Pride is okay to have, but it can also be a vice in life.  I decided to take a look at three key aspects of my life that I hold to the highest value that would bring virtue into my life.  When deciding to take a look at these three things that I think I have experienced virtue I wanted to see how those feelings of virtue affected me and if I feel at times I could have been too prideful. I can honestly answer yes I experienced a certain degree of virtue with each of these and I also have experienced being over prideful as well.  Here are my three most significant things in my life where I have felt the most virtuous.

My Family 

I always strived to have the family I never had a child.  I had a family that was broken most of my life.  Growing up I decided that I would work hard to make my family unit strong and that is something that I strive for today.  I have an excellent, loving, and supportive husband who works hard for us in all things.  He is my best friend, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.  I have two fantastic kids who are entering the teen scene of their lives and have given me more smiles than a headache.  That is not to say we haven’t had our trials because we have and we have always seemed to pick up the pieces and move forward.  I am thankful for this opportunity, and yes there have been times when I forget that this is life and life is not perfect.  Have I ever been too prideful when it comes to my family? I will be honest yes I have.  There have been times I have judged and have thought I might be able to do it better.  I will tell you that today I try and work very hard to not judge those around me. I feel like judgment can become a bad habit just and it takes time to break a habit once you have been doing it for a while. I am always telling myself to do better.

My Beliefs

This one was a hard one when I really got to thinking about it.  Way back in the day I used to be strongly religious.  I went to church every Sunday and was a huge participant in teaching and helping our congregation.  Unfortunately with this came the feeling of feeling overly special.  I am not saying at all that church is wrong because I believe it entirely can be the best thing for a person. When I first went, it was the best thing for me. It took my life and changed it for the better.  The problem was that when I was going and working so hard to be that perfect person I believe that my virtue was clouded with a bit of pride and entitlement. I don’t go to church anymore not because I don’t like it but because I wanted to focus on myself and my spirituality.  I had to teach myself to be more humble by concentrating on what I was doing for those around me and that I can do great things in life without having to boast or feel like I need something in return.

 My Self

Out of my siblings, I have been the one who got away.  I was able to live a decent life, and they have had some pretty real struggles.  One of the reasons I have made a path for myself is because I have chosen to not go down a road of addiction.  Addiction is definitely a family disease, and I am a firm believer that it is learned through the environment and can quickly be passed down even through generations.  I have worked hard to keep myself healthy and happy.  Somedays are harder than others, but I work hard to make sure that I can give myself and my loved ones the life they deserve. One of the ways I have been able to succeed is by holding myself to a certain standard.  I believe that virtue has helped me in achieving but in the past, I have not been the nicest to deal with when it comes to my siblings.  I wanted them to experience the same happiness I have, and I have pushed too hard in certain circumstances. I have learned through the years that we all have our battles and the best way to help is to love and support when you can, this will go further than thinking you know what is best for those that are fighting their own battle.

Virtue can bring happiness to our lives, but it can also become a vice if it is not understood. Being able to experience great things is a beautiful feeling to have but make sure we do so with a humble heart.  Remember that our actions can affect those around us and be aware of others helps us keep our pride in check.  The next time you experience virtue in your life be happy and thankful that you received it and see if you can spread a little to someone else along the way.

How to be an Outstanding Achiever

Fortune Cookie Life Lessons #25
Whatever the mind can conceive and believe it can achieve.

Do you have high hopes? I do, and I have most of my life. Some of my dreams have come true, and most are still on the bucket list of life. Whatever we desire to do with ourselves whether it is in a career, relationships, or a personal journey for ourselves we want to be able to achieve these hopes for the future. Try these daily habits of high achievers to help you get your high expectations done.

 

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1. Get Out of Bed
It is time to get out of bed sleepy head. Those of us that work to achieve what we want usually are out of bed bright and early to get things done. Getting out of bed and getting on with your day will give you a feeling of accomplishment not to mention more time to get those critical to do lists done.

 

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2. Read to Succeed
Reading is knowledge and so get as much as you can. Reading can teach, inspire, and motivate us to do the things we want and reading is good for our brains. The more we read, the more our minds can strike up creative ways for us to make goals happen.

 

3. Routines are Trendy
I love routines and have one that I do every day. I am a person of habit and find that if I have a method, I do better throughout the day and get more done rather than fly by the seat of my pants. Routines can also help by keeping our habits organized and keeps us focused on the goal in mind. I always do better and get more done by having my morning routine of working with my kids, doing the housework, doing any tasks that need to be handled for my husband’s side business. Then by the time afternoon rolls around that is my time to focus on what I need to do with a book or the blog. I find that if I keep this routine going smoothly, it doesn’t throw me off of what I want to get done that day.

 

4. Have a Vision Keep a Vision
Don’t lose sight of your vision. Losing vision can happen easily especially if things are not going as fast as you would like them. If you find your idea dwindling, take a fresh new look at it and see if you can add some new goals, or take a look at your outline so that you can achieve more and keep the vision you have active.

 

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5. Prioritize
Priorities are essential, and if you can’t prioritize what you want, then you might end up stuck. Look at what is important to you and focus on how these things are going to get done. Right now in my life, my kids are my priority and their education is essential. I love my blog, and I love to write, but I homeschool, and so this oversteps my blogging life. It doesn’t mean I have to stop blogging or stop pursuing what I want I need to take care of my kiddos first. Once my kiddos can head on out on their own in a few years I will then continue to move forward with my writing dreams and will be able to give more time to my writer’s vision. Until then I am building and learning with any extra time that I have during the day. Take a look at the critical tasks that you need to handle and prioritize them to fit the life you are living.

Aiming high for your dreams is not something that is unachievable. Get up and ready for the day so that you can conquer all the task that needs to be done to get you closer to what you want. Read about what you want to accomplish and gain an understanding of how to get there. Make a daily routine and follow it. Keep your vision active and don’t give up on what you want to accomplish. Make sure you know what is essential and prioritize so that you can achieve your dream.

How to Make a Habit of Being Grateful in Everyday Life

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #23

They will be grateful that you cared enough to make it.

I feel like being grateful does not come quickly. I feel like you have to learn a few things to appreciate what being grateful is like. I only learned the true meaning of this word a few years ago when I was battling one of my life’s most significant storms, and my gratitude for what I had was what was holding me together. Before my struggle, I was pretty carefree and did not take the time to recognize the things that were in my life that I was lucky to have. I wish that I would have learned this lesson way before I had hit rock bottom, but there is always a time and place for lessons especially those that involve life. Here are some techniques that I have learned to be grateful and keep gratitude in my daily life so that I don’t take what I have for granted.

1. Commit to Being Grateful

When you commit, you are taking the time to take part in the activity, and it will hold you accountable to finish. Taking the time to write down what you are grateful for will help you to stop and think about these things in your life. Taking the time to stop, write it down, and look at these things gives you time to focus and appreciate them for what they are. Writing what you are grateful for is also putting your priorities in perspective and if you are feeling down about what is happening at this point in your life pull out your list to give you a gratitude reminder.
When I journal I sit and try to focus on one thing that I am grateful for in my life. I can be thankful for anything whether it is being in good health or sunshine whatever it is I take the time to write down how it makes me feel and why I am grateful for this.

2. Keep a Gratitude Journal

Lots of people love to journal. I consider my blog a journal and love to write about all my life lesson’s here.
Many times keeping a journal can help you achieve goals that you would like to accomplish in your life. Writing a recorded document will also keep your memories in a unique spot, and you can always reminisce. Writing is also an excellent way to relieve stress. Putting your feelings on paper is an excellent way to get whatever is inside out in a healthy manner. If you are looking to start a journal for recording your gratitude this Minimalism Journal from Amazon is very affordable and come in a variety of nice bright colors.

 

 

3. Slow Down to Acknowledge What it is You Grateful For.

Life is fast-paced, and it is time that you slow down and focus on the things that make you grateful. Slowing down lets you enjoy life’s little blessings. Taking each day at a time lets us become more aware and appreciative of the things we have encountered. I genuinely think that slowing things down makes us more aware of those around us and we then began to be better toward one another. There is nothing better for the soul than the genuine feeling of gratitude, and we want to go out in the world and do better. I experienced this a 14 years ago. I lived the majority of my life not knowing how to be grateful and taking life for granted up until I had my oldest son. Parker was born a month early, and I will say he did not come into this world easily. I was experiencing severe hypertension, and unfortunately, we had the earlier delivery. Even with an early birth, I was not worried my doctor told me these things happen and it will be fine. That was until I had delivered him. I held him for maybe a minute, and they rushed him off without any explanation. It wasn’t until the next morning that I found out our son was barely breathing and had caught a staph infection that was causing his lungs to backfire on him. We immediately flew flight for life to a Children’s Hospital where we lived for over a month, and the first year was filled with ER visits and another flight for life after getting RSV. That first year of Parker’s experience taught me a lot about life’s little blessings and that I should enjoy and appreciate every moment of every day. I woke up that day and realized that there was more to life than what I initially thought and this baby boy showed me a way to never take anything for granted. I am proud to say that after his first year of life Parker is now 14 and is a perfectly healthy teenager. If anything has given me the tools to be grateful, it has been my kids. They teach me the most, and I am genuinely thankful for them.

 

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I have compiled a list of 30 things to write about for the things to be grateful for that you can write about in your journal one for each day. I suggest if you can to write on each subject 30 minutes a day that way it gives you an adequate time to slow down and appreciate each one. I challenge you to take a 30-day Gratitude Challenge and slow down a little to focus on the things that you may not typically recognize. I can attest to learning the lesson of being grateful and how it can make your life seem better than you realize. Enjoy this challenge and let me know how it worked for you.

30-Day Gratitude Writing Challenge
1. Good Health
2. Your Family
3. Your pets
4. Your friends
5. Where you live
6. The Weather
7. A hobby you enjoy
8. Your neighbors
9. Your Job
10. Your values
11. You knowledge
12. What you have eaten today
13. Where you sleep
14. The ability to do what you want
15. Your Freedom
16. Your Life Experiences
17. Your Failures
18. Your necessities such as water and electricity
19. What you have learned from others
20. The Holidays
21. The stars at night
22. Your favorite place
23. Your favorite childhood memory
24. The weekend
25. Nature
26. Your Talents
27. For the little things
28. Your body
29. Your abilities
30. The challenges you face