Best Ways to Problem Solve Instead of Placing Blame

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #33
Think of how you can assist with a problem, not who to blame.

Blaming others for problems does not make you happy. I have learned this intensively through the years and have just managed recently to put this lesson to good use. It is so easy to blame anyone and not take responsibility for your part in the problem. When we blame others, we are attacking them and making them the direct fault for what is going on. Blamers reflect their issues on other people so that they do not have to take responsibility for their actions. The problem you face might be valid in placing blame, but you are also in this situation with the other party. If you have been hurt and have hard feelings to those that have hurt you the feelings you have are valid and essential but blaming that person keeps you controlled by that problem, and if you can give up the resentment, it will free you in the end. The next time you find yourself in a disagreement that places blame try these six steps so that you see yourself being a productive solution to the problem instead of adding to the negative.

1. Talk about what can be controlled
Many times we focus on what cannot be controlled, and that causes hostility in an argument. If you can come together to discuss what in the situation can be controlled, then you should be able to find a successful solution to the problem.

2. Make sure you are involved in a positive, productive discussion.
Negative conversations never get people anywhere and more than likely you will end up angrier than before you even started to discuss the situation. Positivity puts the argument in a better light and will leave you with a feeling of accomplishment when you are done.

3. Focus on the problem and how it can be fixed.
There are lots of ways to do this. You can have a sit-down and discuss what needs to happen to solve this issue. Many times it is a simple task and when you can communicate effectively more is going to get done.

4. What can be learned?
There is always a lesson, and most of the time it can be learned by both parties involved. Talk about what we can learn from this and sincerely take the experience into account so the problem can be avoided in the future.

5. Discuss how this problem can be avoided, so there isn’t a next time.
Most problems can be solved with a simple solution. Knowing how to prevent a problem is half of the battle, and when you both can figure out works best for you it makes the environment a whole lot easier to deal with in the future.

We can’t always control others reactions to us, but we can still control how we react to others. Being able to solve a problem positively gives you the benefit of being at peace with the issue. When in an argument discuss what can be controlled and make sure to use positive and productive conversation tactics, so the other party isn’t offended. Talk with the other person and focus on what the problem is and how to fix what is wrong. Discuss any lessons that can both of you can learn from in this situation and how to avoid it next time. Being able to do these things with help you to be a problem solver and not a problem starter.

How to Grab an Opportunity When it Comes Knocking

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #29
There is no security in life only opportunity.

When an opportunity arises, do you take it? I know that there were many times in my past where I was scared to take a chance and instead I held myself back. I soon began to realize that waiting around for the safety net was not going to get me where I wanted to be in life. Are you waiting for an opportunity to come knocking on your door? Instead of waiting here are ten ways you can grab yourself some opportunity today.

1. Challenge the can’t do attitude.
People who play it safe tend to have the I can’t do this attitude. Mostly out of fear of failing. All this will do is hold you back so instead of saying I can’t start replacing it with I can.

2. Vision
Vision is essential when getting what you want out of life. Vision keeps you focused and motivated to want more. Never lose sight of your what you want and work on it every day.

3. Commit to change.
Commit to making a change in your life. The difference does not have to be drastic it can be as simple as getting up 20 minutes earlier every day to work on what you want to make that change. Once you commit everything you are working on becomes more of a reality.

4. Forgive and move on.
If you are harboring unhealthy feelings toward someone get rid of them now. Harboring these feelings is energy that is wasted and instead use it for the greater good. These feelings might be justified but they are not healthy for you and that is all these emotions are doing is hurting you. Forgiveness gives you peace.

5. Find what is holding you back and fix it.
If something is keeping you from getting what you want to find out how you can change the situation. Making small changes can make a big difference, and you will start to see the results you are looking for in your life.

6. Open your eyes.
Look around you, and sometimes the answer will be sitting right in front of you. Many times we go throughout our lives and don’t even bother to look around and see what is surrounding us but if we are more open to the things that are around us abundant opportunity will be found.

7. Learn something new.
Knowledge is power, and if we can take a little bit of our time to learn a new skill, then we are only making ourselves closer to what we want to obtain. You don’t just jump into something without learning a little about it first.

8. Help someone
You never know where things will lead if you help someone that is in need. Maybe this person has something they can help you with as well. Always take the time to lend a helping hand.

9. Work hard
Hard work pays off, and you should never have anything handed to you. If everything is given to you how do you expect to appreciate the things that come your way? Working hard for your goals keeps you grounded and more aware, so you don’t lose them.

10. Socialize
This one can be hard for many of us and can create crazy anxiety but know that this can be a great asset and will benefit you in the end. Get out and socialize. Get to know new people and places many times the people you meet and the places you see can hold great opportunity options for what you are working so hard in life.

There is always an opportunity around every corner and today is the day so make sure to grab yours’s the next time it comes around.

How to Use Charm to Benefit You at Your Next Party

Be a master of the social game.

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #21

You will always possess a charm and sense of humor that attracts others.

Do charming people have more carefree times in social settings? Thinking about this question gets me thinking how I socialize in specific environments. For the most part, I feel that I am warm and comfortable to communicate with and don’t see myself struggling in this area. I was a personal trainer for nine years and gave seminars where I needed to speak to an audience, and when I first started I was shy and many times would get the butterfly feeling in the pit of my gut before I was to speak. As the years gone by and I kept giving seminars, teaching classes, and working with new people these insecurities disappeared. The one talent I do wish I had more of was that of being charming. What is so wonderful about being charming? I feel that being lovely with those around us can benefit us much especially when it comes to critical social settings such as business meetings. Being charming can bring positive attention to you. This behavior can help make connections that may not have been made otherwise, and will even build one’s self-confidence. Sometimes when I try, I can be a bit socially awkward, and this is something that I know I could benefit from doing in social settings. Here are four ways that I plan on becoming more charming to those around me.

1. Stepping Outside the Comfort Zone

Why must we always step out of the comfort zone to get anything done? If we are comfortable, we won’t try as hard to get what we want. People like to associate with others who think outside the box. Think about the times you have conversations and who you like to talk with, are they boring or are they interesting to you? What makes them that way? Being creative in your discussions brings a little spice of life to the party, and you will get more people interested. Think of fun and creative ways that you can communicate with those around you. If you are at an office party, don’t start the conversation off about work instead find some common interest outside of work to discuss. Talking about hiking on the weekends will be far more interesting than the spreadsheets you look at every day.

2. Listen

Please be a good listener. Listening to those around us can be a hard one to follow and if you are like me and always thinking about what to say next. I have had to practice this one in the last few years and can say that I am grasping at this concept. I never knew how annoying this could be to be in a conversation and not listen till I started catching myself in this dangerous behavior. You will make more friends by lending an ear instead of a mouth. People love those that listen and pay attention to what they are talking about. Many times people don’t listen, and it is scarce to find a good listener. Remember when in a conversation don’t keep thinking about what you are going to say next, you won’t be listening, and that can get you into trouble. Recieve their message in full so that you can give a response that is meaningful to another person.

3. Focus on the Emotions

Make sure to check those emotions at the door. Making sure my feelings didn’t get the best of me was the lesson I learned when I was a trainer. It doesn’t matter what people think of me I can’t be shy and nervous when I needed to be confident and motivating. I would have never kept a client being shy and timid. I had to suck it up buttercup and put on that confident face to get through many of my seminars and sessions. After they were done and I had positive feedback it gave me the confidence to do the next one and pretty soon I no longer needed to check my emotions at the door. Give yourself a break and relax. Being able to relax and not worry about what and how you are going to start a conversation makes communication with others so much more comfortable. Don’t be hard on yourself and have fun in whatever setting you are involved with. If you are fumbling for your words and awkward, this will be a no-win situation for you, and you will inevitably crash and burn.

charm

4. Body Language Says More than you Think

Body language says a lot in a conversation and how you hold yourself will tell others quite a bit about you, and you want to make a good impression. If you stand tall, you are showing confidence. When we stand slouched and hunched over, we may give off the idea there is a weakness. Giving eye contact shows that you are listening and interested in what the other person is saying. Often matching the way others in the conversation are holding their body language will make you and them comfortable.

Everyone can have a certain amount of charm, and it takes a little practice to master the skill. Make sure to get outside of your box and be creative when engaging in a social conversation. Listening to those around us and paying attention to what is being said will make us valuable to those that are telling the story. Make sure to keep those emotions where they need to be and that it is better to be relaxed and confident then it is to be awkward and nervous. Take your body language and make it work for any social situation. Practicing these qualities will bring us closer to being the charming individuals we have always wanted to be.

6 Ways to Gain Leadership Style

Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #10

Leadership is action not position.

Am I a leader or a follower? A question that I was asking myself when I received my next fortune out of the jar and the answer was merely I have no idea. For most of my life, I would consider myself to have been a follower. I was the type of person that usually goes with the flow and never sighted many opinions about anything. I felt that it may have been easier to live my life that way and that I would avoid social confrontations. Unfortuanlty I think I was holding myself back by not taking the lead in certain situations in my life and that was something I needed to change.
What is leadership? By having leadership skills, one is taking action, and usually, this is done with a group of people or a situation. Leaders help those around them and set the tone for the group. They are vision builders and have a talent for creating new things. I decided that I wanted to have more leadership skills. Doing this takes me out of the comfort zone, and I will feel more secure in my decisions. Being a mom I already have a few leadership skills involving my kids, but I decided that I was going to take action in my choices that include more of myself. Here are 6 six things I practiced to help me to build my leadership style.

1. Set Expectations
Setting expectations for yourself will hold you accountable for your leadership. When I set certain expectations in some of my dealings, I noticed that I did not back down as much. By placing a set of rules ahead of time, I was more willing to stick to them. This was true when I was working on my budget. There were times that my kids or even myself would be tempted to do a little extra, and by setting my expectations on how much I was going to spend, I found it more comfortable to hold myself accountable. When I exceeded my expectations, it gave me a sense of strength and control in my finances.

2. Educate and Learn
Knowlege gives you power. The more you learn about something, the more leadership you can share with those around you. If you want to move up in your job become an expert in the field not only will this give you confidence but you will also find that those around you will respect your skills. I love to learn about health and fitness. Back in the day, I used to be a personal trainer, and I helped individuals get healthy and in shape. I loved the job and loved to help people work toward healthy goals. Even though I am no longer a trainer, I still take these traits with me everywhere I go, and I share my knowledge to help those around me.

3.  Positivity Spreads Like Wild Fire
Be a positive role model for those around you. This especially is true when you are trying to find your leadership style. I work hard not to be a downer, but there have been times that I have that little bit of dought in the back of my mind, and I have had to learn to put a stop to that kind of thinking. Not only will a negative attitude affect you but it also affects those around you. By looking at the glass half full instead of half empty, you are giving yourself a way to think outside the box. Being positive is also a great confidence booster instead of you can’t you start to think you can automatically.

4.  Set Goals and Conquer
Goal setting is an essential characteristic of leadership.
Goals get us where we need to be. By setting goals and conquering them, we show that we can lead a path to success. This is especially true for my husband and me with our finances. We have set goals for our future and have worked hard at attaining each one. Although this has not always been an easy road, we have been able to learn so much about taking control and gaining the reward of financial freedom. For every small goal, we conquered we would add another one to the list and gradually we are advancing to where we want to be in our future. The motivation we have received from conquering our goals is what keeps us going.

5. Manage Change
Nothing in life is smooth sailing. One thing a leader can do is manage those little-unexpected twist and turns in life. If you can achieve the vision even when there are changes you show strength to those around you. The changes you may face could be functional, or they could be dysfunctional, but either way, indicating that you have control over the situation will be appealing to those in the position. I personally like change and feel that change is here to challenge and why not accept the challenge.

6. Be a Coach
Coaches have leadership skills. They have the skills to get the job done. Be your own coach and watch your leadership soar. Coaches build up the team and give the motivation to excel expectations. You can’t sit around waiting for your goal to happen and unfortunately, it may never happen. Be a part of making that goal happen. Make a plan and stick to it and if the plan changes keep moving forward. Work hard, and this will lead to significant results.

What I learned in last few weeks is that having leadership qualities gives you a sense of freedom and control. The probability of getting things done is far more likely with leadership. Becoming an expert in what you want to achieve will help those around you and give you some respect. A positive attitude is everything when working to get what you want out of life. Make sure to set some goals and conquer them. Attaining the goals gives you the strength to keep going and overcoming the next one. Manage changes in your path and gain a sense of power, and be a coach to yourself and those around you by having the tools to build what you want. Be a leader in your life and go forth to motivate and inspire.