We have all been in a situation where we feel as though we will have a massive volcanic meltdown. Unfortunately, there are times that we actually do explode and may not behave or say these things we should. These times are tricky and it is always best to take the higher road when dealing with opposition. Try these 6 steps the next time you feel like you are about to blow your top.
When was the last time you took a nice long slow inhale and a nice slow exhale? Not only will breathing relax your last nerves giving yourself some time to breathe will improve your health overall. An exercise I practice is to breathe in through the nose nice and slow for 4 seconds and out for seven seconds through the mouth. I can feel my body calm down and it gives me time to think about what just happened.
2. Time Out isn’t Just for Kids
Timeouts are awesome when you find your self in a confrontation. Sometimes you just need a break from the situation to think through what just happened and the best way to deal with the problem. Taking timeouts will save you in many situations and yes there will be times that this might not be an option but if you can do your best to step away and let yourself cool down.
3. Go to a Happy Place
Along with a timeout make sure to go to a place that brings you happiness. This can be any place like a park or maybe even your favorite little shop. Just give yourself time to reevaluate the situation. Happy environments bring happy energy.
4. If You Don’t Have Anything Nice to Say Don’t Say it at All
This is a hard one especially for me. I have had to really try and practice this very valuable lesson. Words hurt and can cause so much more turmoil than if you were never to speak, to begin with. Make sure to think about what you say and choose your words wisely.
5. People Are Human And so Are You
We are all humans and we all make mistakes. If you find yourself dealing with a situation that makes you react in a way that is not most pleasing make sure to apologize for your part. Own it and move forward knowing that this is a valuable lesson for the future. If someone has wronged you and did not handle their situation like they should make sure to forgive them. This helps you by not holding toxic resentment and it helps them by knowing that they can learn from their mistake and move on making better choices in the future.
6. Go For a Walk
Walks are wonderful things. They give you fresh air and exercise which is fantastic for the body. Walks can give you the time to think about what is important to you and help you make good judgments. The next time you find yourself going out of control walk out the door and soak in some fresh air and burn off some of that steam.
Life and interactions are not always easy. There are many times in our lives we find ourselves dealing with unpleasant situations. Instead of doing or saying something we will have to apologize for or regret later take some time and know that by doing this you are saving yourself and others from unnecessary distress.
Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #36
Life is not a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well.
Regretful days come and they go. Unfortunately, when they do come they can create an unsettling amount of negativity in our daily lives. Instead of sulking the day away here are five ways to slay that bad day.
1. Get Physical
There are tons of reasons to go out and get some exercise and stress is a very good reason to go out and do some physical activity. Go for a walk outside, or go punch out your aggression at a kickboxing class. Either way, you will feel so much better afterward. Not only should your body get some exercise but you can also calm the mind with a relaxing yoga and meditation session. Being able to stop the chaos and reset will help you get through the day so that you can be your best for the next.
2. Write Those Sorrows Away
Writing is therapy. I know because I do tons of it and I find it a great way to release what I need to get off my chest. A good exercise to practice is if I am having trouble with a situation or a person I take some time and write what I am feeling. Not only does this get it off my mind and the anger and frustration are no longer building up writing with emotion can achieve great works or ideas that I might not have had before.
Friends are there to help when help is needed. Go get some coffee or have a long conversation on the phone. Surrounding yourself with positive people will help take your mind off the stuff that is frustrating you and give you a reason to be thankful.
4. Cry it out
Crying is great. If anyone tells you it isn’t obviously has never experienced a fabulous crying session before. Crying helps release feelings that can hold you back in life and you should never be ashamed to cry.
5. Get Some zzz’s
Rest is key to healing and if you are out constantly battling the day how in the world do you ever expect to heal. Bad days happen to keep us in check so that we will take a break and rest our bodies. Who knows after a good nights sleep you may have a brilliant solution to your problem.
Life is unexpected and no matter what card we are dealt we should always be able to take these days in stride and learn from our bad days.
Fortune Cooking Life Lessons #35
Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
Is there someone in your life that has wholly wronged you? Whether it be a family member, friend, or significant other something has happened that had created a fire inside you that you just can’t put out. I feel this is true for most people that one time or another we have come across the feelings of hate and discontent towards someone in our life. As time moves on we do move forward and these feelings will hide away for a time and every once in a while these feelings of anger that we had come creeping back to remind us of the knife we received in our back. But does hating this person help us in the end. If we stop to think about it hating takes a lot of time and effort on the part of the person that is angry. What if we could take that energy we have inside and put it to good use. Image all the awesome things we would be able to accomplish in our lives. Here are five ways to stop hating and use that energy for some good.
1. Don’t forgive for the person who hurt you forgive for yourself.
Forgiving someone who has hurt you is seriously a hard one to understand. When we learn about forgiveness, it is always about the other person but what we forget is that when we forgive those that have hurt us we are allowing ourselves to move on. The situation no longer controls how we feel or deal with that person and the control is lost. If we react to this person or situation negatively, it still has a hold of us if we move past it and forgive we are letting go.
2. We are all humans.
Humans are imperfect, and we will all make mistakes. Keep that in mind the next time someone does something that may hurt you. It is hard but what if the shoe was on the other foot. What if it was us that did the hurting. There will be individuals that don’t care about how people feel and know that you as a person can always do better regardless of how others may want to treat you.
3. Don’t bring up the past.
If you have completely moved on, you won’t be bringing it up anymore. Letting the situation go may take some time as time heals most wounds and when you are ready to move forward, you will be done reminiscing what happened. Moving forward also helps the person that has hurt you especially if they are seeking forgiveness because this shows you have completely forgiven them and moved on but if you keep rehashing what has been done there is unfinished business that needs to be addressed, and the problem never disappears.
4. Hating takes too much time and energy.
Hating someone takes up a lot of time and energy, and all it will do is exhaust you. A person can spend all day thinking about how much they hate someone but unfortunately, this waste of time and nothing will ever get accomplished. Instead of being angry and hateful take that energy and put it towards something that will make your life better.
5. Time will heal the wounds.
Time does heal wounds. Give yourself space from the person that has hurt you. Right now you need to process the hurt and taking a break can help you recover. Even if the relationship is unrepairable taking time off will help you to heal and find your peace in the situation rather than having to fight it all the time.
Being angry isn’t right for you or the people around you. Choose to do better and take that anger to a positive level. Forgive this person for yourself so that you can find your happiness again. Remember that human beings make mistakes and learn to let go of what happened. Don’t hate to long because it takes too much out of your life to do so and make sure to give yourself enough time to process what has happened.
If you are looking for a way to channel your negative energy, try meditation. It is a perfect way to relax your mind and spirit. A good forgiveness meditation is repeating the phrase ” The person I need to forgive is _______, and I forgive you for ________. Saying this phrase will help you put the situation in perspective and find happiness along your way.
Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #34
There is no substitution for a genuine lack of preparation.
When you set out to achieve a goal do you fly by the seat of your pants or do you take the time to prepare and visualize what you want to achieve? Developing yourself to get what you want out of life takes discipline and work. It is not for the faint of heart, and often we can wish we were somewhere in life and without preparing to make it to that point that is where we find a that we get stuck. Instead of wishful thinking here are five ways to prepare yourself so that you can achieve your goals.
1. Practice Mindfulness
I have just recently begun doing this as I have found that I have a pretty full schedule. I am a very busy lady and have just added going back to school to my already active lifestyle. Being able to meditate 10 to 15 minutes a day has helped me get the things done that I need to without feeling anxiety and the stress of the heavy schedule that I run for myself. Meditation helps you to slow down and get in touch with yourself on an intense level. It clears the mind and enables you to focus on what needs to be done. Being able to meditate helps the body heal and de-stress.
2. Let go of what can not be controlled.
Being able to let go has been a hard one for me to do in the past, but I have tried to let things go if it can not be controlled. Not only will this bring extra stress into your life but you are completely wasting time on something that can not change. It takes away from your focus on what you are trying to attain.
3. Visualize what you want to have happen.
I am a visual person. I learn by visualizing, and I work even harder when I can envision what I want to achieve. Being able to see what you want to will motivate you to work harder, and you will feel accomplished when you have completed the goal. Vision boards are a great way to keep the vision of what you want alive.
4. Act as if you already attained your goal.
If you are always dreaming of your goal and not acting on it, the target won’t happen. If you put your mindset into you have already achieved this then you are held to certain accountability. Tell yourself today I am going to do this as if the goal you have wanted to reach you have already mastered. Mentally preparing yourself not to fail will keep you focused on what needs to get done.
5. Get rid of the excuses.
Excuses are crutches, and they don’t help they hinder. If I am working on a fitness goal and I am continually finding a reason not to exercise I will never get what I want. Quit telling yourself that you can’t do your goal because of this or that. Sometimes we make excuses because we are afraid that we won’t reach our goal. Making excuses for yourself is self-sabotage and know that you got what it takes to conquer.
Preparing yourself to accomplish your goals is not an easy thing. You need to be aware of yourself and make yourself mentally for the work that needs to be done. Don’t focus on things that can’t be changed only focus on the things that will help you move forward. Vision is key to making things happen. Mentally telling yourself, you are already there hold you accountable for your actions and get rid of the fear and excuses and slay your way to what you want.
Fortune Cookie Life Lesson #33
Think of how you can assist with a problem, not who to blame.
Blaming others for problems does not make you happy. I have learned this intensively through the years and have just managed recently to put this lesson to good use. It is so easy to blame anyone and not take responsibility for your part in the problem. When we blame others, we are attacking them and making them the direct fault for what is going on. Blamers reflect their issues on other people so that they do not have to take responsibility for their actions. The problem you face might be valid in placing blame, but you are also in this situation with the other party. If you have been hurt and have hard feelings to those that have hurt you the feelings you have are valid and essential but blaming that person keeps you controlled by that problem, and if you can give up the resentment, it will free you in the end. The next time you find yourself in a disagreement that places blame try these six steps so that you see yourself being a productive solution to the problem instead of adding to the negative.
1. Talk about what can be controlled
Many times we focus on what cannot be controlled, and that causes hostility in an argument. If you can come together to discuss what in the situation can be controlled, then you should be able to find a successful solution to the problem.
2. Make sure you are involved in a positive, productive discussion.
Negative conversations never get people anywhere and more than likely you will end up angrier than before you even started to discuss the situation. Positivity puts the argument in a better light and will leave you with a feeling of accomplishment when you are done.
3. Focus on the problem and how it can be fixed.
There are lots of ways to do this. You can have a sit-down and discuss what needs to happen to solve this issue. Many times it is a simple task and when you can communicate effectively more is going to get done.
4. What can be learned?
There is always a lesson, and most of the time it can be learned by both parties involved. Talk about what we can learn from this and sincerely take the experience into account so the problem can be avoided in the future.
5. Discuss how this problem can be avoided, so there isn’t a next time.
Most problems can be solved with a simple solution. Knowing how to prevent a problem is half of the battle, and when you both can figure out works best for you it makes the environment a whole lot easier to deal with in the future.
We can’t always control others reactions to us, but we can still control how we react to others. Being able to solve a problem positively gives you the benefit of being at peace with the issue. When in an argument discuss what can be controlled and make sure to use positive and productive conversation tactics, so the other party isn’t offended. Talk with the other person and focus on what the problem is and how to fix what is wrong. Discuss any lessons that can both of you can learn from in this situation and how to avoid it next time. Being able to do these things with help you to be a problem solver and not a problem starter.